New Testingstan

I think it's dumb, personally. Because within ten, oh who am I kidding, five years from now (being generous) if they keep pumping out novels, games, comics and the usual crap, alongside the new trilogy, standalone films and TV shows this "New" EU will be as bloated and contradictory as the old one. And/or start to hamstring other projects because the timeline will get cluttered again.

They should just ball up and do what Star Trek did: movies and TV shows on one level, everything else on the other. With "everything else" either being consistent within itself...or not, as any author decides (and/or new movies/TV shows come out).

But they won't, and the canon nerds will no doubt continue to vilify Dave Filoni, JJ Abrams or whoever is still making movies and shows a few years from now because some nuEU book or comic got retconned. And we all know that shit's going to happen, "Lucasfilm Story Group" or no. Unless they really scale back on how much stuff they push out compared to the days of old.

On another note, you should see the trektards at places like SB or StarfleetJedi mastrubating each other. It's pathetic.

Eh, I figured as much. "LOL NO 200 GIGATOONS "

Anyway, something relevant, the first four new books: http://starwars.com/news/disney-publish ... -line.html

Here's the released synopses:

STAR WARS: A NEW DAWN by John Jackson Miller
Our very first official canon novel set solidly in the legendary "Dark Times" between Episodes III and IV, A NEW DAWN will introduce readers to two main characters from the upcoming Star Wars: Rebels animated series—Kanan Jarrus and Hera Syndulla—and will feature jacket art by Doug Wheatley, as well as a foreword by Dave Filoni, one of the executive producers of The Clone Wars and Star Wars: Rebels. It goes on sale September 2, 2014.

STAR WARS: TARKIN by James Luceno
In our second upcoming novel created in collaboration with the Lucasfilm Story Group, bestselling Star Wars veteran James Luceno gives Tarkin the Darth Plagueis treatment, bringing a legendary character from A New Hope to full, fascinating life. Coming November 4, 2014. Jacket art by David Smit.

STAR WARS: HEIR TO THE JEDI by Kevin Hearne
A thrilling new adventure set between A New Hope and The Empire Strikes Back, and—for the first time ever—written entirely from Luke Skywalker's first-person point of view. Created in collaboration with the Lucasfilm Story Group. Coming January 2015. Jacket art by Larry Rostant.

STAR WARS: LORDS OF THE SITH by Paul S. Kemp
When the Emperor and his notorious apprentice, Darth Vader, find themselves stranded in the middle of insurgent action on an inhospitable planet, they must rely solely on each other, the Force, and their awesome martial skills to prevail. Created in collaboration with the Lucasfilm Story Group. Coming March 2015. Jacket art by Aaron McBride.

I've never heard of any of these authors (except Luceno, obviously) so we'll see. AND and HTTJ could be okay, I guess? Not really much to go on there, especially the latter since all we know is it's set between ANH and ESB and is first-person Luke Skywalker. So could be okay, or it could suck. And again, aside from introducing a couple characters from Rebels there's not much to go on with AND, either.

LOTS sounds stupid as fuck, though. Seriously, Vader and the Emperor get trapped alone? WTF? May be okay from a "let's wank the shit out of Vader and Palps' Dark Side powers" perspective but the story setup sounds like your typical terrible EU bullshit. Actually maybe even worse.

So yeah. One novel of the four (Tarkin) might be pretty good, two of them don't give enough details to even guess, and the fourth sounds like shit. So, business as usual for Star Wars tie-in novels. Glad to see the "New EU" is living up (or down ) to the old.

Those all look pretty interesting actually.

Eh. I can't judge for two of those. Could be good, could be bad, not enough to go on. "Sith" is just a dumb setup, though. I mean sure, maybe they'll come up with a good reason for Vader and the Emperor to be in that situation. But if it's just some half-assed excuse to wank off how OMG AWESOME they are in battle? Fuck that, at least for a novel. As a videogame or comic, where we could actually see it go down? Sure, why not.

So i've come to the personal realization that the scrapping of the existing continuity entirely really predisposes me to dislike whatever Disney does with the Star Wars franchise. If they'd split the continuities I probably could've enjoyed both, but now whatever comes will be weighed down by the fact that there will never be any new stories with Ben Skywalker, Jaina Solo, Kyle Katarn, or Wedge Antilles and how much I dislike that.

Time will tell whether the Disney era of SW will be better than the EU, but better or worse, it's all we have now.

RogueIce wrote:LOTS sounds stupid as fuck, though. Seriously, Vader and the Emperor get trapped alone? WTF? May be okay from a "let's wank the shit out of Vader and Palps' Dark Side powers" perspective but the story setup sounds like your typical terrible EU bullshit. Actually maybe even worse.

I want it to be about them constantly trying to kill each other without looking like it.

All I can say is I hope this new EU gives me the chance to see my dream of Jar Jar coming back with a lighthelmet. Which is like a lightsaber only it's a helmet. And he goes around headbutting people to death with it while shouting for them to harden the fuck up.

Oh, and for there to be twin clones of Vader. One good, one evil. And Good Vader wears pure white armor like in that Elseworlds comic to show that he's the hero. And he teams up with Jar Jar and they go on wacky adventures together for old times sake.

Darksi4190 wrote:never be any new stories with Ben Skywalker, Jaina Solo, Kyle Katarn, or Wedge Antilles

Bro, Wedge Antilles is from the movies so he can totally have new stories still. He'll always exist thanks to Episodes IV, V and VI.

Well I've heard of Kevan Hearne. He's written a series of Dresden Files-esque novels. I've got the first one but not read it.

I've not read any new EU since Shadows Of Mindor though (wait I tell a lie since X-Wing: Mercy Kill). And those synopses don't really change my mind on that front. I just laugh that they actually used the phrase 'awesome martial skills' with apparent seriousness.

Darksi4190 wrote:This will either work because they're so obsessed with SW they'll buy anything with the logo anyways, or not work because they're so heavily invested in the existing characters that they aren't interested in seeing any other depiction of the Solo-Skywalker family other than those that already exist. I think it'll be interesting to see which lines the fandom breaks across.

I think this basically describes current fans of the EU.

They should do one where Darth Vader and the Emperor are trapped in a lift together

RogueIce wrote:Bro, Wedge Antilles is from the movies so he can totally have new stories still. He'll always exist thanks to Episodes IV, V and VI.

He's an EU character for all practical purposes and you know it.

evilsoup wrote:They should do one where Darth Vader and the Emperor are trapped in a lift together

Maybe they should have some sort of evil robot bounty hunter take control of the Death Star and decide to troll Vader and Palpatine. That would be awesome.

Ralin wrote:

evilsoup wrote:They should do one where Darth Vader and the Emperor are trapped in a lift together

Maybe they should have some sort of evil robot bounty hunterChuck Norris playing Bar Punchman, Walker's far-past/different galaxy ancestor who respects alien cultures take control of the Death Star and decide to troll Vader and Palpatine. That would be awesome.

Yes.

That reminds me of the episode where Walker's African-American partner Trivette commented on how nice it was that Walker was taking the time out of his day to play chess over the internet with a lonely eight year old boy.

And it turned out that the eight year old boy was being held in a lab because he had incredible telekinetic powers and the evil scientists were endangering his health through increasingly risky experiments to figure out how his powers worked and could be duplicated, and his only friend besides Walker was a sentient talking supercomputer designed by his scientist mother before she went into hiding to avoid assassination attempts by the evil scientists.

Then Walker investigated and fixed things, and it turned out the eight year old boy's telekinetic powers would fade as he grew older and everyone lived happily ever after.

Except for the thuggish security guard that worked for the evil scientists. Walker roundhouse kicked him in the head.

Is that a real episode

Uh, yeah?

Dude I don't make things up when it comes to Walker: Texas Ranger. That would be wrong.

I learned my lesson about that a long time ago when Walker: Texas Ranger led to a dear friend of mine catching me in a lie.

She had grown up in India and was very pretty and had come to the US for college. So I was teaching her about Walker: Texas Ranger so that she could learn to better adapt to life in America and grasp the subtle nuances of Texan culture.

So one day I was telling her about the episode where Walker adopts an abused little dying buy because he reminded Walker of his own painful childhood growing up half-white on the reservation after his parents were murdered by racists, teaches the abused little dying boy to track and ride horses, guides him on a Native American vision quest to confront his deepest fears as personified by the abused little dying boy’s crack whore mother’s berserk, cop-killing, woman and child-beating drug dealer boyfriend, tells him that he has AIDS, roundhouse kicks the aforementioned berserk, cop-killing, woman and child-beating drug dealer boyfriend in the head and then single-handedly creates AIDS awareness because he’s saddened by the way other children shunned the abused little dying boy on the playground.

But then I felt guilty. And I had to come clean. Obviously there was no episode of Walker: Texas Ranger like that. I had lied.

That was a two-parter.

Fortunately she forgave me, but afterward I realized that I had to be careful never to make that mistake again.

And then years later I told my best friend who is German about this and when I finished he said, “Wait…that was an actual two-parter?”

And can you believe that the entire time I had known him he’d thought I was making things up when I told him about Walker: Texas Ranger? Just like the stupid Hawai'ians!

That hurt me. Deeply. On the inside.

We got past it, but it was really hard for awhile.

I apologize for implying that you might be making things up when it comes to Walker: Texas Ranger, I should have known better than that.

And that implies that he also thought I was making things up when I told him about how it's established within the show that Walker is friends with the Dalai Lama, who is an eight year old boy whom Walker befriended when an evil ninja guy who was an enemy of the Dalai Lama's from a past life after having killed himself in shame after losing a duel to a previous incarnation of the Dalai Lama kidnapped the eight year old Dalai Lama to take revenge by corrupting him and thereby disrupting his path towards Enlightenment, only Walker tracked them down and they fought and the eight year old Dalai Lama used his magical Buddha powers to super-charge Walker's martial arts abilities and I think Walker roundhouse kicked the evil ninja guy in the head. And then the evil ninja guy was going to kill himself again, but the eight year old Dalai Lama used his magical Buddha powers to make flowers spontaneously blossom so the evil ninja guy reformed and Walker and the eight year old Dalai Lama became friends.

And he thought I was making that up. EVEN when I told him about the follow-up episode where Walker rescued the eight year old Dalai Lama and his American mother when they were kidnapped by Nazi-Communist terrorists trying to take over the world who wanted to transfer the eight year old Dalai Lama's magical Buddha healing powers to their genetically engineered super-soldiers, whom Walker roundhouse kicked in the head.

Just like the stupid Hawai'ians.

>: (

Ralin wrote: stupid Hawai'ians.

>: (

Can you fuckheads just make a Walker thread already and stop spamming up other ones?

Walker x Fluttershy x Luke Skywalker 4 lyfe

I spent a year on exchange in Hawai'i as an undergraduate and the people there always accused me of making things up when I told them about Walker: Texas Ranger.

evilsoup wrote:Is that a real episode

I remember that episode vividly! No exaggeration there, that's how it happened.

http://tv.msn.com/tv/episode/walker-tex ... rainchild/

oh my goodness this is real

i can't even

Darksi4190 wrote:Can you fuckheads just make a Walker thread already and stop spamming up other ones?

Haven't you heard? Chuck Norris has a cameo in the new movie, a bearded bounty hunter.