THE BURRITO DOCUMENTARY

[Questor]

Well, technically, Australia has 5 in common, while America has 4

A1 with a1 and a2, R with r, A2 with a1 and a2, I with i, A3 with a1 and a2

[Count Chocula]

Well yes, you're correct, but "aaria" isn't "aria" and thus isn't beautiful human music so I have to stick with the four common letters.

It's a question of faith. I believe!

[Phantasee]

I'm a man of my word, Chocula. I hope you are too.

[Count Chocula]

I'm not giving up on this! My latest e-mail to The Fourthmeal Folk, fingers crossed:

"-Hello:

A short while ago I made a wager with a fellow poster on a BBS I frequent that he would not complete The Burrito Documentary. My wager involved shipping him a selection of Taco Bell burritos and/or tacos, so he could experience the taste of a true burrito. Well, he completed the documentary:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QbDUlZDx ... ure=relmfu

The complication is that he's in Australia! Now I have to figure out how to get tasty Taco Bell products halfway around the world. I called the PR hotline last Monday, and spoke to a very friendly young woman to whom I explained my dilemma. She explained to me that Taco Bell's menu items are made fresh at the store, and that my request was exceptional. She additionally took my contact information and explained that the solution for my problem would be kicked up to Taco Bell's food experts, if it was possible. To date I have received neither confirmation of my call nor a possible way to send edible Taco Bell products to Australia. It appears that some part of Australia's populace has developed a taste for quality Mexican food where that was not the case ten years ago.

Please let me know, at your earliest convenience, if it will be at all possible to get fresh quality equivalent Taco Bell products to Australia. This is a genuine wager, and not a prank, so a considered response would be appreciated. Who knows, maybe this could be Yum! Brands' re-entry into Australia!

Sincerely,

xxxxxxxx
xxx-xxx-x123"

[Losonti Tokash]

tbh i will be pretty impressed if this actually happens

[Count Chocula]

I will too, but I'm psyching myself up for the fail. I shoulda known better than to think a megacorp had people who could think and move quickly. Still, hope won't die until July 32, 2012.

edit think NOT thing (first 'thing...err think') darnit

[Phantasee]

you know the effort you are putting into this is pretty respectable

[Zablorg]

yeah man props to you

this is like a testingstan double feature

[Count Chocula]

Thanks, Phant. Heck, if we can get human kidneys halfway around the world a delicious Gordita should be a walk in the park for Yum! brands. I'm going to keep pushing them. Taco Bell tried and died in Australia by 2005. It's 2012 now, surely the seven year itch applies to more than matrimony. I'm still surprised they let a Sydney mom and pop discourage them, rather than offering a lucrative buyout and tapping their insight to a successful Mexican restaurant downunder. The Bell actually has pretty decent, cheap food, I just think the management at the time screwed up.

EDIT: Zab, if I can't get the actual edible artifacts to you I will get you the recipe for a Taco Bell burrito plus that other thing. I guarantee the American version contains no prunes, hammers or lines of salt. The salt goes on margarita glasses, for Christ's sake!

[Count Chocula]

So quick update, here's my latest missive to Yum! corporate:
"Hello:

Last week, I e-mailed you about the possibility of sending a selection of Taco Bell burritos to Australia in fulfillment of a wager I made with a poster on a Web board I frequent. This gentleman produced a video called "The Burrito Documentary" which is available on YouTube. He's in the right demographic for Taco Bell, he has a circle of influence that could have a positive impact on Taco Bell, and he lives in a country that Taco Bell tried and failed to penetrate 7 years ago. This casual wager has the potential for great PR and possibly a re-entry into Australia for Taco Bell, but I have yet to have any response either positive or negative from you.

If Yum! brands has chosen not to engage, in any capacity, in business in Australia, I would appreciate the courtesy of a response.

Sincerely,

xxxxxxxxx
Tampa, Florida
xxx-xxx-x123"

I just left another voice mail at corporate in California. Out for the day at 4:30PM? Why not, it's California. Why would a multi-million dollar franchise keep regular business hours.

[Phantasee]

looks like Yum! hates you

[Count Chocula]

They must be OET members. I'm screwed.

[Darth Fanboy]

Chocs I drive by their corporate HQ in Irvine all the time and honestly i've never seen a living being anywhere near that building somehow.

[Questor]

Chocs I drive by their corporate HQ in Irvine all the time and honestly i've never seen a living being anywhere near that building somehow.

I thought they replaced everyone there with androids?

[Oxymoron]

When Taco Bell talks about Human Resources

they aren't talking about the employees

[Darth Fanboy]

Both of those posts are plausible. Obviously the next step is a lightning commando Seal Team Six style raid in order to destroy Skynet so they don't turn the power of the burrito against us.

[Nietzslime]

through the looking churro

[Count Chocula]

Well Taco Bell has come through with nothing, not even advice on shipping. In other news, Drudge had this truly horrific misuse of a fine Mexican comestible today:

AUSTIN, Minn. — After tossing a burrito at a woman on Tuesday night, an Adams, Minn., man was charged in Mower County District Court with gross misdemeanor domestic assault.

The news report does not mention the brand of the burrito used in the assault, in a transparent attampt to protect the running dog capitalist pig corporation responsible for this heinous act!

[Count Chocula]

Ha, haaaa! My brown belt Gooooooogle Fuuuuu has come through for me one last time. Here is the recipe for the Taco Bell Seven Layer Burrito, eat at your own risk:

"TACO BELL 7 LAYER BURRITO

Shell Ingredients:
1 package of 12 inch burrito shells

Filling:
1 can of refried beans with lard (note: make the consistency thinner by adding water since it will be too thick if you just take it straight from the can after heating)
shredded lettuce
chopped tomatoes
guacamole
Shredded Monterey Jack cheese
Mexican dirty rice
Sour cream

In the middle of the shell, put some refried beans, followed by the dirty rice, then the cheese, sour cream, guacamole, lettuce and tomatoes and roll up."

Here are the directions on how to make the beast:

Prepare the Spanish rice and refried beans. Make the Spanish rice according to the package directions. Heat a can of Taco Bell refried beans or put a can of black beans on the stove and smash them with a potato masher once heated.
Shred the cheeses and lettuce. Shred all three cheeses, then toss them in a bowl to mix them all together. For easier preparation, purchase an already-prepared bag of shredded fiesta cheeses at the store. Shred the lettuce as well into long, thin strips to make a Taco Bell 7 layer burrito.
Cut up the tomatoes. Cut the tomatoes into small chunks or use a can of chunked tomatoes. Fresh ingredients will enhance the flavor of the Taco Bell 7 layer burrito, but for ease of preparation, canned works just as well.
Warm the tortillas. Wrap the tortillas in a damp paper towel and warm them in the microwave. Warm them in ten- to fifteen-second increments so you do not overheat the tortillas. You don’t want to make a Taco Bell 7 layer burrito with a tortilla that becomes hard due to being overheated.
Layer the ingredients. Spread the beans on the 7 layer burrito. Spoon rice over the top of the beans. Add guacamole and sour cream before spreading the lettuce. Sprinkle the cheese and tomatoes to finish off the seven layers. Make sure that you do not place too much on each burrito, as you need to be able to roll it up. Once the tortilla is rolled, place it seam side down on the plate before serving.


Hmmm. Actually, it looks pretty delicious and not ALL that bad for you. I'm getting peckish. Wat's the nutrition information?

Not too bad! According to Lance Armstrong's LiveStrong Foundation, it's 510 calories per. That's only about 25% of the recommended daily allowance for an adult male. Holy cow...delicious AND guilt free? I think I'll eat some more!


EDIT BTW, if you've never tasted avocado you simply must do so. I'm a confirmed carnivore, but that fruit is delicious.

[Phantasee]

So I'm real happy you found directions for making one. When will you find directions for packing one up on ice and FedExing it over? Brown can do a lot for you, y'know.

Holla at me with a tracking number and we can all watch it make its way across the planet!

[Count Chocula]

All right, I'll call FedEx and UPS in the morning to see what can be done.

[Darth Fanboy]

Chocz you'll take a midget up Mount Doom if you have to to get that fucking burrito to Oz.

[Count Chocula]

OK inquiry into UPS. FedEx is way too complex for my tired mind right now.

[Zablorg]

alright so chocs sent me 20 USD for want of a burrito

which after paypal fees and conversion comes to 17 AUD, wrapping this project up with a tidy profit of 2 dollars

[Gands]

I just watched this for the first time.

dizzy stuff! i look forward to the next one



gando, behind all trends